Never Let Anyone Hurt You Again

Have you ever wished you were so mentally strong nothing anyone can say would ever hurt you?  How about remaining unaffected by loss, criticism, betrayal, or rejection?  And no matter what happens, you can remain confident and calm when others around you become uptight.

 

Such a person who can handle chaos without fear or pain is unshakable.  Wouldn’t you like to be unshakable?

 

Granted, you have memories of painful experiences: rejection, betrayal, and humiliation things that have happened to you. And you’ll never forget them, maybe as long as you live. These long-term damaging memories are called engrams. Each engram represents a horrific event that caused you great fear or pain and one you would do anything to prevent it from reoccurring.

As a result, you toughen up inside. Rather than facing the pain head on, you build imaginary ‘walls’ inside to keep you save from the world. But instead of protecting, these walls are really trapping you. As you attempt to run from the pain or push away things that hurt you, you’re only making yourself vulnerable to such an event.

The real strength doesn’t lie in avoiding the pain, it lies in facing it, understanding it, and turning it into wisdom that will help you in becoming unshakable. So instead of running and hiding from this pain, you can use this engram to enable you to be stronger and more apt to face anything.

 

What You’ve Learned Is a Lie

 

It’s not so much the bad things that people do that hurt us, but rather the beliefs that we attach to them. We all have our own reactive mind. Hence, the reactive mind is our personal system of beliefs we’ve developed from bad events from the past.

For example, a tech support person from a certain software company treats you harshly, you assume all reps from that same company are just like him/her. You try your hand at investing and the first choice you make turns out to be a loss. You then tell yourself, “I’m not cut out for investing”. Thus you avoid buying an app from them indefinitely.

Keep in mind, because one certain type of situation turns out bad, doesn’t mean they all events like it will. Like the old pop rock classic song from the Osmonds says, “One bad apple don’t spoil the whole bunch girl”, that saying is true.

Usually, when someone belittles us or hurts us, we build an imaginary protective shield so nobody will do the same to us ever again. At the same time, we avoid situations that we believe will bring the same bad consequences.

 

Weak Man Versus Strong Man

 

A weak man thinks of a past situation like a punch to the body. A strong man regards it as a learning tool.

A weak man has mental “bruises” within himself formed by bad past experiences. Because this man isn’t strong enough to face his pains, these bruises never heal. He intends to ignore them. While a strong man feels pain from

When a weak man is wronged in a similar way that hurt him before, he feels the pain from the bruise inside him. A strong man bounces back from the pain due to his extra muscle. Thus, the strong man is able to act and move forward without fearing another mishap.

A weak man confronted by a bad circumstance tends to fall apart. The strong man sees this as a learning tool.  

Remember this: Nobody can hurt you unless you let them. The power of other people’s actions depends on what’s already in your heart, your mind, and your sub-conscience.

As Carl Jung once said, “I am not what happened to me, but what I choose to become.”

What happens to you doesn’t define you. It’s what you choose to do with this that shapes the person you become.

 

Dealing With Pain Constructively

 

Now, let’s imagine you found a good client you can do business with. As you discuss how matters should be handled, you make a remark that gives him the impression that you’re incompetent and childish. He becomes angry, belittles you, then storms out of your house.

How do you handle this?

A weak man would be “crushed” in this situation. He might decide to handle everything alone, fearing another potential client would only hurt him again. If he took this as a harsh blow, he might convince himself that he really is suited to do business. The weak man is unable to admit he was wrong or why he was wrong.

A strong man would make all necessary efforts to try to win the client back, admitting he was wrong. If he couldn’t convince the client otherwise, he would regard this as a learning experience and come up with solutions to prevent this from happening again. The strong man would not feel remorse or hurt toward that client. Instead, he would seek out new clients and know from his experience, he could handle future clients more effectively.

 

Turn a Bad Experience Into a Lesson

 

OK, we all make mistakes and because of that, bad things happen. Regardless of how far we’ve come in life or what level of expertise or experience we achieved, even a small mishap on our behalf can cause us to form a new engram. And if something goes wrong, no matter what it is, it won’t destroy our total self-worth, unless we let it of course. 

Tell yourself, “OK so I didn’t do so well this time but I’ll do better next time!” So if you believe you were wrong, admit it. And if you’re strong enough to face each detail that caused you pain, you can be confident enough to handle the situation again. Likewise, you will know how to face people who may seem to question your ability to do so.

 

Nobody likes a person who is never wrong. Such a guy is too afraid to face the inner pain that lies within them.

 

IN A NUTSHELL:  Whatever you do, don't let your past mishaps handicap you from doing things you want to in the future.

 

Remember:

• Never avoid going to places (ie: people's homes, stores, bars, parks, etc) where bad things once happened.  Don't think of them as locales where these bad experiences will repeat themselves.

• Not all people are alike.  People you meet now are not likely to judge you like certain others have in the past.

• So you pulled a blunder or made a bad judgment call before.  Make a pledge you'll never do it again.  

• Don't refrain from trying something again because you've had a bad experience the last time you tried it.  You can always do better.